Parasocial relationships give misogynists a safe space to be creepy as hell

It's easy enough to write a "big bad" character who hates women just because, but if you want to create someone more nuanced or morally gray, it pays to do a little research. Which is why I'm exploring the ways passive misogyny in particular manifests and dictates how men (and women) move through the world.

Don't quote me on this, but I'd say passive misogyny is the most common form of it in the US; the type that can hide in plain sight.

An active misogynist is your typical loud, brash dudebro who won't stop complaining about how women these days won't "submit," or the hyper-religious conservative who insists the safest place for women is in the home, barefoot and pregnant. But the passive misogynist is the guy at work who seemed really sweet and calls himself a feminist, only to discover later that he's been cheating on his wife for six years. (Many jiu jitsu gyms at some point deal with passive misogyny manifesting in this way, whether the coaches at these gyms are ready to admit it or not.)

I have this 40-something male character who's a local celebrity, against his will. In a modern society where witches of any kind are hunted as "threats" to regular humans, he's a prolific inventor of any-magic weaponry. Human women swoon over him as the image of a selfless protector, while a subsection of men basically worship him, studying his tactics and applying them to abuse women.

While he doesn't have much of an online platform, his "fanbase" of lonely single men create one for him and ride his coattails, increasing his notoriety in the process. Research shows that parasocial relationships can amplify cognitive biases, making followers more likely to accept influencers' claims across domains regardless of expertise. And when those influencers overstep boundaries or are caught doing something supposedly against their values, their fans will bend over backwards to justify their behavior.

Talking about situations like these are sensitive in 2025, but when it comes to writing fiction, it feels good as hell to imagine a better world: one where brigades of passive misogynists have their moment, but get what's coming to them by the end of the story. There's some science behind it, too; the idea of rewriting your traumatic past in order to heal from it is an important element of EMDR therapy, among others.

Maybe that's why I enjoy writing stories surrounding relational trauma so much! It's a means for looking at the world with a creative eye. If you can imagine a better world, you can chart the path to creating it.