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How to find a therapist

Therapists are regular people. The goal isn't to find the perfect one, but the one who's perfect for your specific goals. Save this checklist on how to find a good therapist.
How to find a therapist
Photo by youssef naddam / Unsplash

Which is easier: finding the love of your life, or the right therapist?

Depending on how you, your culture, or your family feel about seeing one in the first place, the answer could swing either way. Once we pass the hurdle of deciding we want help, now we have to find it. And let’s be honest; a lot of therapists are capitalists first, healers second.

It’s incredibly easy for a bad therapist to take your money and give you:

  • Projection when you need empathy. During one of my first serious attempts to find a therapist as an adult, I sat down in a middle-aged white woman’s cushy office prepared to deliver a TED talk on my last 22 years’ worth of complex trauma. Five minutes in, she decided my mother was an alcoholic (which she wasn’t.) I left long before my allotted hour of talking to a brick wall was done.
  • Enablement when you need honesty. A wealthy woman I know has severe ADHD and has exhausted most of her friendships with self-serving behavior. When I asked her if she had considered seeing a professional, she surprised me by saying she already had one…for the last decade. What was he doing with her all this time? Nothing much. Listening to her complain unquestioning, collecting a check, and saying “see you next week.”
  • Complete dismissal of your experiences. After dealing with a male stalker at my job for three months, my employer hooked me up with five sessions of therapy…with a man who spent all five sessions telling me I needed to give the guy some slack before declaring me “all better.” Excuse me?!

The types of practitioners who behave this way towards people who are paying them for help are royally shitty, and unfortunately, very common. On top of all this, you need a therapist because you’re in pain. Bad therapists know this, and choose to nod along while barely listening to you. They got your money, either way. So, how do we get you in front of someone who cares?

The therapist hunting checklist

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